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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Has it been that long already...

I'm stressed, our living conditions are stressful which is causing me stress. Now I am responsible for my own feelings, how I react to things, my attitude and I know I'm to be grateful but gosh darn it I'm feeling very stressed over everything.

Now for the good stuff, I just got my 10 year AA chip last month (yayness!) yes I celebrated 10 years of continuous sobriety and I am very proud of myself which is why I don't get why on earth I am acting like a newcomer and a spoiled brat. Oh I know why it because I'm scared; good ole fear does me in every single time.

Now let me back up a bit...

Current weight with clothes on (sweatshirt, sweat pants, socks et al) 270lbs (good God I know, I know).

I am selling my 2 horses because of our current living arrangement (long story).

I'm in a major distrust mode because of our current living arrangement, you see I live on a beautiful farm, I rent and my landlord well lets just say he's not someone we trust, we have no lease and well he's not an honest man by any means. Things are coming to a head because of the new tenant that lives downstairs who goes way back with the landlord and wants our place... time will tell... Now please note I am an alcoholic so all this thought activity is going on in my head which means, a lot of this is projection on my part (I have a magnifying mind) however, my little voice (intuition) tells me it is so.

I'm addicted to sugar, yes I know we've already covered this but I am seriously addicted to the stuff as I am addicted to alcohol, I have to leave the sugar and certain carbs behind. I'm considering doing some online OA meetings (Overeater's Anonymous) because meetings and the 12 steps of AA help me with my drinking so I'm thinking meetings and the 12 steps of OA will help me with my binging.

I do apologize for being all over the place with this post, it's not intentional it's the way my brain has been working as of late.

Thanks for coming by!
God Bless


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

At least I'm maintaining!

This is how I feel as of late though I'm getting much better at it. Ok let's start with the weight of the issue, I've maintained my 258 which is ok but scary because I maintained 245 forever and well we know how that worked out for me.

I've been working extra hard these days; hubby hates his job and that's with a capital H. I'm doing some online work and have been making it a success for approximately give or take one year. I've stepped things up on that forefront and honestly believe I can make a success at this venture, all I need is time. Who doesn't need time?!

I am the proud owner of 2 dogs, a black lab/chessie mix who will soon be one years old and a six month old mini dachshund, oh did I mention I have 2 cats who hate the dogs. So I being the chicken sh!t that I am and not wanting my lab to hurt the cats have been taking said animals out but first I must gate the cats then get the dogs outside, spend time with them, bring them back up and bla bla bla. I Sassle complicate my life but I really don't know a better way to acclimate them to each other. I'm told it takes time so time I'll take.

Now let's talk diet/health plan/exercise hmm I've not dieted, I appreciate all the kind words of support from everyone. I tell you this has been harder then I thought it would be which is why I don't like to permit myself little extras when I'm following a plan because I go berserk when I do so. I'm considering following Weight Watchers again or just sticking with what I know which is counting calories and eating the South Beach way. How many calories would I be allowed? Let me go see; according to Myfitness Pal I should consume 1500 calories/day and according to Sparke People I should consume anywhere in between 1230 to 1580 calories/day. So I'll stick with what Spark People tell me because it seems doable and will keep my body guessing a la calorie cycling way.

Ok so when do I start this wonderful plan? Um... Tomorrow?!

Dang it! I know, I know I should start it now... but I'm not ready. How do I know I'll be ready tomorrow? Well I'll tell you what, I will (not try) I will blog what I plan on eating tomorrow sometime today. I have to, I must at the very least attempt to. Some how I don't feel very honest with myself but I'll try to prove myself wrong.

That's it for now! I'll be back...

Thanks for coming back!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Spiritual Awakening and what am I going to do with it?

Growth, yes I'm growing in all ways; spiritually, weight wise and in family size. NO I'm not pregnant, but we have a new puppy, a beautiful miniature dachshund and his name is Harley.

Yesterday was a turning point for me since I"ve relapsed on my health plan. You see I bought a cake, a Sara Lee Vanilla Bean Cake and I ate the whole thing in 2 sittings. But the thing that shook me up the most was the craving that I had, it reminded me of when I used to drink (going on 10 years sobriety this November) the urge to eat that cake and everything else was unimportant. It was scary, it reminded me of an article I read about Transference of Addictions. Now I can say that's what I did, I think I never wanted to admit it because it sort of represents that I failed. I mean I have close to 10 years sobriety and yet if I"m transferring my addiction I haven't healed at all or I"m not dealing with the real issues at hand. What are they? I don't know. Am I working the 12 steps like I should? I believe I have to speak to my sponsor about this so I can get back on track. Come to think of it I must take away my original comment above about growing spiritually, I can't possibly be growing spiritually if I'm transferring my addiction. Sheesh I'm coming clean with myself aren't I? I think this is what they mean by having a spiritual awakening because something clicked inside of me when I woke up and when I decided to share this with my Sassle world.

The questions are the same though, what will I do with this "knowledge" and why am I still struggling even though I'm "working" a 12 step program. What am I missing? What have I not worked on?

Sorry for the confused writing, I'm all over the place with this as my mind is full of clutter.

Thanks for stopping by!


Sunday, September 13, 2009

Sassle Update!

I want to start by thanking all of you who have checked up on me. I'm fine, really I am. I've put on weight, see the association? I stopped blogging I started gaining, imagine if that was the solution, I think it is because this blog makes me accountable when I'm not accountable well the results are there. Another thing this blog does it gives me the opportunity to vent about my feelings. Feelings of failure, feelings of disgust towards myself, feelings of confusion as to how with all that I know did I allow myself to get back up to 258 pounds!!!

As I write this I already feel better, I'm amongst friends, I can share my thoughts and feelings towards weight loss and know that I'm not alone. So why did I leave? I work long hours, summer brought me out of doors and life happened, all the while knowing Sassle was being neglected but knew deep down inside I would go back to her because she is my alter ego.

I turned 44 years old 2.5 weeks ago, it was a wonderful birthday, I had managed up until last week to maintain 248 lbs no matter what I did then suddenly I passed the 250 then the 255 and well I'm 258 who knows if this keeps up when I'll hit 260 and up.

So I'm back, I need to be back, I need to come back to this blog where I feel most at home. I have lots to share, lots to tell but that will take some time. I missed reading your blogs, seeing how your lives, successes and struggles are going. I"ll catch up and keep you posted on a regular basis.

Thanks for caring, thanks for stopping by! I missed you all!

Sassle :)

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Thursday, July 30, 2009

I'm back and here to stay...

To say I'm back seems a bit premature. I went on an unplanned hiatus. It started small, skipped one day, skipped a week, thought about the blog, thought about updating every time something major/minor happened and next thing you know it's been weeks since I last updated you all on my victories, struggles and weight.

Today I asked myself "Am I doing the best I can for today?" and realized the answer was no. Now I'm being a little harsh on myself simply because I haven't been awake for 1.5 hours just yet but there are steps I could take to make sure I am doing the best I can for today.

Things are good, my life is good, so why do I feel empty inside?

Hubby's schedule at work changed so his hours were from 4:00pm to 1:00am and now as of the second week in august he's 2:00pm to 11:00pm for the next 2.5 months. I don't sleep much, it's not that I don't want to, it's because my mind races about all the possibilities of the day or I'm thinking too much of what needs to be done, or worse I'm having a hate on for myself. So sleep is good but ever since I was a child I've never been a sleeper, I get some rest and I'm off to my wiles.

Now as for my weight, I went down to 239, back up and maintained to 245 but went on a bread binge (and salami) yesterday so I'm 250 this morning. Ugh not good. But I don't hate myself for that. Which brings to mind what I realized yesterday. If I'm not eating well, I'm not feeling good about my life (or vice versa) it's all connected. So I need to fix my soul STAT. I'm praying, I've been praying to God for the last 2-3 days to help me and take the ick nast out of my soul.

My mother-in-law is coming this Sunday for a week, we've never met before though we've spoken on the phone a lot since I've been with hubby which is just short of 3 years. I think/hope we'll get along. She arrives Sunday while hubby is at work so we'll have 8 hours to get to know each other.

If I can get a ride tomorrow I will be doing groceries and going back to buying South Beach Food so I can find my mojo and continue down the losing path. Hubby takes the car to work so I'm without one which is OK I guess, it saves me money and calories that I don't have access to a car.

I feel yukky today, spiritually and emotionally that is which is why I guess I'm posting because I need to get it out. Thanks to those of you who have wondered where I've been in the last while, my family is OK, I'm OK, life is good, I'm just a recovering alcoholic who needs to constantly work on her spiritual self in order to feel good. I've got 9 years and 9 months of sobriety, you'd think I'd get the hang of it by now but no, it's a daily process.

Oh and no I haven't been taking my Optivite so I must get back to that too. I hate pills, just the smell of them makes me cringe but I've noticed a difference in myself since I stopped taking them, I'm more emotional, more sensitive, more everything that is not positive.

Oh and as a side note, I have NOT gone back to sugar (yay) in spite of any binges I've had, sugar has not won, it's like I know if I do the sugar binge I'm f*cked so I stay away from it like I stay away from alcohol.

Thanks for stopping by!


Monday, July 6, 2009

As the Governor would say... I'll be back!

I'll be posting tomorrow... sorry for the delay... been busy and sort of not much to say (don't laugh it's true)...

Hugs to you all and thanks for caring :)


Sunday, June 28, 2009

I Love

I Love!

I Love that it's Sunday and there's a slight breeze outside
I Love my Mother
I Love my Husband
I Love my Stepchildren
I Love my Grandchildren
I Love my Brother
I Love my nephew
I Love all my family and friends
I Love being able to fit inside Hubby's shorts
I Love the color of my eyes
I Love that I look like my mother
I Love my real name which is Robyn
I Love my puppy
I Love my 2 cats
I Love my 2 horses
I Love that my puppy thinks Hubby and I are the best thing in the world next to a fresh bone
I Love that my kitties think I rock especially when I feed them some wet food
I Love Alcoholics Anonymous
I Love my sponsor and all she has taught me
I Love that I have a blog where I can share my thoughts and feelings
I Love the colors of the sky here in Wisconsin
I Love that Hubby & I are house hunting
I Love that I am a capable independent woman
I Love that I'm growing as a human being
I Love my son-in-law
I Love our soldiers who are fighting to keep us safe
I Love all of God's creatures
I Love that I'm shrinking size wise
I Love my body and all it can do
I Love manicures and pedicures
I Love the sound of a child's laughter
I Love that I have followers to my blog
I Love getting my bi-weekly paycheque
I Love the faith I have in myself
I Love God
I Love Faith in God
I Love the sound my little kitten makes when she's looking for me
I Love the fact that my eldest cat is a demanding kitty and feels he deserves respect
I Love that my puppy is a true farm dog who will hunt anything and everything in her path
I Love the sound of a stream
I Love the idea of fishing
I Love the South Beach Diet
I Love a cold bottle of water
I Love a cold bottle of diet cola
I Love Leslie Sansone and her walk program
I Love knowing how to feel better and better
I Love how easy it is to love when I choose to focus there on purpose
I Love feeling good about myself
I Love feeling eager for this day
I Love feeling eager
I Love laughing and having fun
I Love playing
I Love feeling childlike and anticipating good
I Love feeling joyful
I Love being touched to the heart
I Love feeling good because I choose to focus on what feels good
I Love feeling empowered by my decision to focus
I Love walks with my MP3 player
I Love choosing time for myself to read and relax
I Love my home
I Love the sound of the trees with the breezy wind blowing through them
I Love meeting like-minded people
I Love getting puppy kisses
I Love seeing my kitties play
I Love feeling ALIVE!
I Love being ALIVE!
I Love having the best tool for the job
I Love being on top of my game
I Love the way our pets Love my husband
I Love the way my husband treats our pets
I Love feeling like a million bucks
I Love feeling rich and filled with well being
I Love knowing the resources of this beautiful Universe are here for me to enjoy
I Love amplifying beauty
I Love amplifying wisdom and joy
I Love grapes
I Love strawberries
I Love bananas
I Love garlic
I Love onions
I Love the relationship I have with my stepchildren
I Love Life
I Love showing my grandchildren something for the first time
I Love treating others with extraordinary respect and unconditional love
I Love being treated with extraordinary respect and unconditional love
I Love getting a great return on my investments
I Love my grandson's laughter
I Love my granddaughter's beauty and determination
I Love that both grandchildren have huge hearts filled with love
I Love that my stepdaughter teaches her children about love and respect
I Love my stepson's sense of fun and adventure
I Love a warm, affectionate touch
I Love hugs
I Love great massages
I Love giving my husband massages
I Love swimming in the pool
I Love reading a good book on our reading couch with no interruptions
I Love talking with my friends
I Love living a free life
I Love watching my horses play
I Love watching my pony try to get his groove on with the Quarter horse mare
I Love being spontaneous
I Love paying more attention to how I feel than what other people want from me
I Love focusing on my joy
I Love finding something to appreciate in this now moment
I Love seeing just how much there is to appreciate
I Love finding old friends on Facebook
I Love knowing I'm stronger then I have ever been
I Love focusing on what is already working in my life
I Love the saying Live and Let Live
I Love the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
I Love how long this list is
I Love smiling
I Love that my husband thinks I'm wonderful
I Love pretty things
I Love pink
I Love green
I Love feeling relaxed and trusting
I Love lasagna
I Love cooking food on the grill
I Love corn on the cob
I Love cheeseburgers
I Love hotdogs
I Love eating healthy
I Love that I don't expect anyone to read this whole list
I Love knowing I was born to be free
I Love knowing that I am light and light I shall remain
I Love appreciating my body
I Love my Husband's laughter
I Love the way my husband invents words
I Love the way my husband touches me
I Love listening to music that opens my heart
I Love finding new music that celebrates life and how I feel
I Love being in love with my husband
I Love living in love
I Love laughing so hard no sound comes out
I Love laughing at myself for taking life so very seriously sometimes
I Love seeing that I am really quite beautiful
I Love the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
I Love feeling my body relax
I Love feeling my core muscles get stronger and stronger
I Love feeling strong and fit and flexible
I Love feeling my imagination blossoming
I Love having inspired thoughts
I Love feeling my heart sing
I Love recognizing that this could go on forever
I Love recognizing that love continues to expand
I Love knowing that what I focus on expands
I Love being open to more love
I Love being more loving
I Love remembering that my Inner Being is always guiding me
I Love following that guidance
I Love remembering that I just have to choose to focus
I Love loving to focus on joy, freedom, prosperity, peace, wonder
I Love being happy
I Love celebrating my freedom
I Love that joy is contagious
I Love hearing a positive, uplifting story
I Love all types of success stories
I Love losing over 50 pounds
I Love feeling more attractive then I ever have
I Love celebrating just how good life can be
I Love making peace with anything that bothers me
I Love knowing that the prime of my life is always NOW!
I Love that this is to be continued...

Calling in on some NSV's

Still on plan, I feel good all around, my house is a mess, I'm a bit behind on one of my jobs but aside from that I feel a slight burden lifted and I feel good about myself.

Here are some NSV's

I was told my face is really losing weight LOL I'll take it thank you very much
I've followed the plan since Monday without messing up.
I now fit in hubby's shorts. They are a men's 42, hey I'll take it, I couldn't fit in them before.
I can now comfortably buy a size 20 and know they will fit, hey I'll take it LOL.
I feel pretty these days which is shocking for me since I am my number one worse enemy, I'm always doubting my looks.
I got into my size 18 jeans that I bought a month or so ago, I can put them on, zip and button them too.

That's it for today!


Sassle :)

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

It's an oral fixation type of thing

She had never forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked `poison,' it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.

Sometimes she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into her eyes.



I'm back, I've been away sort of but not necessarily with my head hung low. You see I had a relapse, not an alcohol one but a food one. I did not eat sugar unless you count the day I had sugar free chocolate pudding (4 portions). I've been eating off program for a week now and I've put on 4 pounds as a result of it. It's not good but believe me when I binge I can put on 20 pounds in a weekend so I will take the 4lbs and smile.

I'm back to the plan as of today. What have I been binging on? peanut butter sandwiches, it's so weird how they would literally call me to eat them. Oh and chili. I think because I ate the peanut butter on healthy whole wheat high fiber bread I didn't do too much damage since it filled me up. Though eating 4 to 6 slices of bread is definitely considered a binge, for me it's still progress. The fact that I would not under any circumstances eat anything sweet is a miracle in itself. I would eat to be full and never enjoyed the feeling. I was missing something orally, I don't smoke and nothing seemed to satisfy me so I had an oral fixation and food seemed the answer. You know what's weird, it never seemed to satisfy me so I know its an emotional thing. Anything bothering me lately? Nothing important other then hubby and I want to move, our rent on the farm just went up $200/month and he's working longer hours and I feel a bit overwhelmed but nothing more then that. It's true, I don't think I'm too worried or more worried about stuff then before. Who knows, what's important is that I deal with it and get back on plan now, not tomorrow, not Monday but now.

While all this was going on I had so much to write to you, I wish I had because a lot of it escapes me right now. I wish I would write when the feeling hits me but its usually at a time when I'm not at my desk or when I'm working.

That is it for now, I will be back, I just wanted to let you know where I've been and what I've been doing.


Monday, June 15, 2009

Monday Weigh-In (Official) and Random Thoughts and Feelings


Ok so I'm weighing in for the 2 challenges I belong to, once is Fabulous N Fit By Fall and the other is Get Fit AFTER 40. I am pleased with my results today I had hit 241 pounds on Saturday, I was surprised because I feared I would be stuck at 244 but once I started eating more I started to lose weight. I'm shocked and the logic behind it so escapes me to some degree that I even tell myself, now imagine if I ate less I'd have lost more weight.

Now, this is something that has been bothering me for a bit...

Two or so weeks ago I was eating under 1200 calories a day and working out and I was on a plateau. I have decided that losing 2 lbs a week is a good and fair amount and kind to my body, so I decided that I really wanted to know how much I should eat in order to obtain that goal. The website where I log in my food for the day is MyFitnessPal and they recommend I eat 1200 calories a day to lose 2 lbs a week. I did that and it didn't work. I then went to SparkPeople (I know I'm repeating myself here) and they recommended eating between 1200 to 1500 (sounds more logical) and then I went to the The Daily Plate who recommends 1709 calories a day. I also asked The Daily Plate how many calories should I eat to lose 2.5 pounds per week and that recommendation was 1459 calories.

This is all confusing to me. Now to make matters worse I looked up my BMR (which I have no idea how BMR works) it varies depending on the site from 1802.05 to 2227 now the whole BMR and calories to lose weight connection escapes me, I need it explained to me in laymen turns real slow please.

Now if I go by my own logic (uh oh) I've been eating between 1200 and 1600 calories a day and I'm losing weight so if it ain't broke don't fix it. Why is there too much information on this. Oh because it's the Internet right?

I think I'm so obsessed about counting the right amount of calories that I'm forgetting that whatever it is that I'm doing is working.

I finally bought myself a real tape measure and I have to say the amounts I originally took were just not accurate enough. I used hubby's work tape measure, you know the stiff ones and I see the difference now that I have a real one. Plus I don't hold in my gut when I measure (I think I used to instinctively) so the numbers are quite shocking.


Hubby says I'm my own worse enemy, he says I must suffer emotionally a lot because of that inner voice inside me (the ego) that puts me down, i.e. I don't like my teeth, I have dark circles under my eyes, my pores are huge, bad hair day, I'm fat, I have a double chin, I'm this and I'm that. He says to stop it, he won't allow me to put down his wife in front of him anymore.

You know what it is? I think my faults are soooo obvious that if I mention them first nobody else can call me on it. Nobody else can dare tell me how ugly my teeth are or why do I look so darn tired. I've beat them to the punch.

I think in my defense I haven't been taking my PMS vitamins which always help, I hate pills so I stopped taking them (bad Sassle) and I'm reaping the rewards (there I just took them). Yuk!

This is still no excuse to be so hard on myself, I must remember, God does not make junk. I am beautiful, smart, creative and I've lost 58 pounds for Pete's sake!!


To exercise at least 4 times this week in the form of cardio
To do strength training at least 3 times this week
To be kind, loving and gentle with myself
To take my PMS vitamins
To eat between 1200 and 1600 calories a day (or until someone tells me the right amount)
To spend more loving time with my hubby
To have a clean home
To be up to date in my work
To spend more quality time with puppy girl
To spend more quality time with kitty cats
To pray and meditate daily

Thanks for stopping by!


Friday, June 12, 2009

Well when you put it that way!

So I've been visiting some blogs and I run across Scale Junkie's post about pounds loss about how much weight we've lost since when; our biggest weight, our weight on diet day 1, year 2008 or whichever day you choose. My response was I consider the day of this diet/eating plan day one and I took the weight from that date and that's my starting date yada yada (got that from reading Hanlie's post.) But then I started to think... (uh oh) what weight was I at when I started gaining weight and that magic number was 128 pounds. So that means I gained 171 pounds over 3 years, goodness who does that?! This photo is of me when I weighed 165 and I thought I was fat in October 2005 (I was shallow and insecure what can I say), this is what I want to weigh again, this is what I want to look like again. It's just that it caught me off guard that I gained 171 pounds in 3.5 years, heck if I gained that weight in 5 years it would still be too much. I never put it into perspective that I was killing myself that way, that's alot of weight and I realized I ate those three years like I drank alcohol for 21 years before I got sober. Now if I look at it this way, 56 pounds lost so far (Yay!), my next goal is to lose 44 pounds and from there I'll only have 34 pounds left to lose. Should I choose to look at it as I have to lose 171 pounds I'd run away and probably give up for life. I find setting these small challenges is what's keeping me on this way of eating (what do I call it, a diet, lifestyle, eating plan) and I'm proud of the accomplishments I've had so far but I have to say that number just floored me. It's all good now, I'm over it because of my little goals set. This is the closest I've weighed to 200 in 3.5 years so that means I'm doing well. All's good, phew!

Thanks for coming by!


Thursday, June 11, 2009

My Aha Moment

So today I weighed myself, now you must understand I've been on the canned chili diet since Tuesday (or was it Monday must check my online food diary) and each time I eat chili I am full with a capital F. When I'm full I feel bad, I feel like a bad girl, surely I must have done something wrong because my tummy feels full and that's not a regular state to be in when you are losing weight right? Wrong I think.

This is where I'm going with this, a few weeks ago I was at 249 and thrilled to pieces over it because I was in the 240's which hasn't happened since I gained weight 3+ years ago. Suddenly I got a stomach flu and didn't eat for one day, the next day I had dropped 4 pounds, wow that's cool but I was sick and figured that the moment I ate an apple the 4 pounds would come back. The next day I had an event and I still wasn't feeling well but I had a headache so I ate some food at this convention, none of the food was healthy but I ate in moderation. The Sunday I weighed myself fully expecting a gain and nope still 245 lbs I thought ok it's just a matter of time before my body goes back up.

The weight gain didn't go back up (not for a few weeks) my body had felt comfortable at 245 and even went down to 244, then I had the cheese and cracker attack and I went up to 248, so (stay with me here) today after my chili binge of the last few days I was expecting a gain, but no, I went down to 244 from 245 so I'm back to where I was Saturday morning before the cheese/cracker binge.

So I'm thinking WTF? how can I eat portions of chili and still lose weight? I'll now tell you what I think : ) I think when I hit 244 I was eating under 1000 calories a day trying to jar a bigger weight loss and I was working out too, but my body thought WTF is she doing? Is she starving us? So it held onto everything and the scale wouldn't budge. So when I had my cheese/cracker binge I remember thinking well this will shock my body and maybe it'll release some of those pounds eh wrong buffalo breath I gained weight, however, this week I've been eating between 1200 to 1500 calories and I lost everything I gained.

So what's the moral of the story? I'm not sure, I find being accountable for my food on my online diary has helped me immensely. I'm learning not to be so hard on myself but I confess I must constantly remind myself to be gentle and that being full is not a sin and being full does not equal weight gain but by writing down every morsel that goes into my body I can logically see how many calories I have eaten so therefore I won't gain 5 pounds overnight because I only had 1300 calories the day before. If I didn't write things down I'd cause myself stress, guilt and worry so this way works for me for now.

I apologize for being all over the place with this post, it seemed clear in my head, I had an AHA moment and it's too hard to really put into words.

I love the way I feel lately where my diet/eating plan/way of life is concerned because I feel like I'm growing up and I have a better chance at keeping the weight off this time because I'm learning who I am and what my triggers are. Continued emotional growth will take me far.

Thanks for coming by my friends!


Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Ok sorta back to normal

I got back down to 245 this morning and in spite of myself I was thrilled to be back down even though mentally I was prepared for 248 so it was a nice surprise. What I'm most proud of is the fact that even though I overindulged in cheese, crackers and bologna, I resisted cake and I didn't go on an all out binge. That's something to be proud of and the fact that I'm still on this weight loss journey. I think part of what helped is that I refuse to go backwards on this path, I didn't lose 54 pounds so that I could gain it back, however, I can only live one day at a time so I'll do my best towards myself today.

I just ate some chili, no that's a lie, I ate 2 cups of Hormel chili with beans for a total of 520 calories. Goodness chili is my drug of choice (next to strawberries) I can't just eat a little of the stuff its got to be in big portions. I entered my food for the day including the 2 cups of chili and for dinner I am making a Tyson Slow Cooker Creations Beef Roast with vegetables (can't find a link) which has 200 calories and 7 grams of fat and when all is said and done I will have eaten 1300 calories. That's nothing really so why do I feel guilty, its because I'm full from eating 2 cups of chili is why. Now before I continue on the guilt path I have something more important to mention; the sodium in this chili is sky high so I have to finish my pop and drink at least 4 bottles of water today to get rid of the salt in my system (bad Sassle). I can't help it, really I can't LOL. I must not allow chili in this house but then again perhaps having 2 cups was much but I'm still staying in my allotted calories for the day and that's including the pudding/whip cream and strawberries I'll have for dessert. When all is said and done I'm doing OK so no punishment for Sassle today.

That's all for now and thanks for your comments and your visits, you make each day all the more special for me.


Monday, June 8, 2009

Uh Oh!

What have I done? I want to laugh but I can't really laugh but I can't really punish myself either since I believe the more I hate on myself the more damage I do to my psyche as well as my emotional and physical selves.

Saturday I had a Mary Kay party with my friends and all went well, I got some goodies for free that will make me look younger ;) and well I gained 4 pounds from the event too. I didn't eat any desert not one bite, I ate about 50 strawberries (no exaggeration here I'm hooked on strawberries) and a ton of crackers with bologna. The sodium alone in what I ate is probably what my downfall is, all this water retention, I feel bloated, I feel bad because I overate but I won't punish myself. I will just continue onto the road I have thus far and count my calories, eat healthy and exercise. These 4 pounds will be gone by next week or the week after with extra weight off, of that I'm sure.

This is where I'm starting to feel grown up because I'm not hating on myself, I am my worse enemy and I have to change that which I am slowly but surely and always progress. I credit AA with that, they have taught me so much about finding who I am, seeing what makes me tick, being open minded towards myself and others.

So instead of 55 pounds loss I'm down 51 pounds but that's OK, I still love me and will continue down the weight loss road.

Thanks for stopping by

My Gift to Myself and an NSV!

On Friday of last week one of my good friends and I went to get our noses pierced. This is something I've wanted to do for years and I felt losing 55 pounds was sufficient enough reason to warrant the treat. I woke up Friday with a terrible headache, I think its because the last week or so I was eating too little and my head rebelled. My friend suggested I have a real "coke" and I did, it worked I think I was probably suffering from low blood sugar and the "coke" did the trick. We went to this great tattoo piercing parlor not far from home and my friend wanted to go first so I got to watch, bad idea LOL I should have gone first because watching the process was making me feel faint and nervous but alas I did go next and I love the final result.

Which brings me to my NSV I took some pictures while we were there and texted it to my stepdaughter and she said I looked cute and my face had gotten smaller so the photo on the left is me on Friday afte the piercing and the photo below a before pic of me at 299 pounds.

me @ 299#
This pic was taken after Xmas so its definitely a before shot of my face LOL we've already seen the body shots. So I am pleased as pie about the nose piercing and the noticeable difference (in my opinion) in my face. Plus people keep telling me my face has shrunk so I'm going to start believing them. It's amazing how hard it is for me to believe people when they compliment me. I need to work on my self-esteem but I'm guessing that's what I'm doing right now by posting these pictures.

That's it for now! Thanks for coming by!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Fabulous'n Fit by Fall week 1

Pardon my dirty scale it would appear I'm 244 today and I'll take it.

I am partaking in 2 challenges, I actually wanted to partake in a few others but I don't want to spend all my time updating my weight lol.

I took my measurements and I'm not going to post them just yet, it makes me feel too vulnerable with the weight and measurements there leaves nothing to the imagination.

I will be posting further on my hopes, dreams and goals for this challenge. I was working on this yesterday but had company and I had to hide my weight and this post. Now I"m getting hubby off to work by making his lunch and such. He just got a promotion yesterday (I'm so proud) and he's now 220lbs from his 265. I think he's perfect my beautiful man.

I'll be back!


Monday, June 1, 2009

Awareness being the key I think...

Weight: 245 lbs
Exercise: WATP for ABS 2 miles


I've noticed lately that I am sort of off the South Beach Diet. I'm changing what I eat, I eat healthier, cleaner and leaner all thanks to the South Beach Diet. However, I've noticed that I've sort of slipped away from some of their rules i.e. eating only a certain amount of bread a day for one and other carb rules.

I have taken what I've learned from the plan and applied it to my new eating plan. Which plan is that? I'm counting calories. Now in the past I counted calories and it didn't work for me but I know why, you see I'm armed with knowledge which is so important in this weight loss battle. I know I cannot eat deserts like cake, cookies and ice cream. I simply cannot, they trigger binges in me and the calm, sassy Sassle becomes the binge monster and next thing you know I'm off to the local grocery store and I'm buying 24 donuts, a birthday cake and ice cream. Trust me on this, I know myself well enough to know that I am not ready to eat sugared desserts. I will eat jell-o, pudding and whipped cream, that's as far as I'm willing to go concerning sweets, because I have a handle on them (today).

I only eat whole grain bread, pasta and rice. I only eat lean meats but mostly are white meat i.e. chicken and turkey, though I might have lean beef on occasion. I enjoy vegetables and salads and most especially fruits like strawberries, oranges and bananas. All these things are thanks to the South Beach Diet and I'm not quite ready to say I don't follow the plan but I don't do it 100%. I find this is a good thing because its teaching me to eat normal while sticking to a diet plan at the same time.

My Fitness Pal
says I should eat 1200+/- calories a day, Spark People says I should eat anywhere between 1200 to 1500 a day. I try to stick anywhere between what Spark People says even though I use the calorie counter on myfitnesspal (um.. did you get that?).

So that's my plan and I'm sticking to it and since we're the 1st of June I think I'm off to a great start and lets see how much weight I can lose this month whilst counting calories. I also know the importance of calorie cycling, so I can keep my body guessing and not have it count on a fix set of calories for the day. I know some days I'll go under and some days I'll go over but I will stick close to the allotted numbers.

A few weeks ago I had an AA conference to go to and I was sick the day before so I didn't eat, come the day of the conference I was sort of hungry. I nibbled a few things from different groups like a meat sandwich on white bread, a hot dog and the odd pasta salad, keeping in mind that I was there for 12 hours I needed something or else I was going to get a headache and I stayed away from ALL desert no exceptions and believe me there was cake, cookies and donuts everywhere I went. My point is even though I ate some things that were off plan I didn't go crazy, I ate them and moved on. I tried to choose the best things for my body with what was being offered and I'm proud because it's been 2 weeks since and I've stuck with my plan.

In the past had I "cheated" on plan I would have gone ape nuts and eaten everything saying/thinking WTF it's just one day I can eat all this, tomorrow I'll start again. NO, I won't do that to myself anymore (today). I am petrified of binging as though my life depends on it and it does because if I binge I may not be able to stop and if I can't stop I'll gain weight and therefore my body will be stressed and I might suffer from heart disease, diabetes, cancer or one of the other major illnesses caused by obesity. This is why it's so important to me to get and keep my head on straight. This is why it's important to me to understand what motivates me, what makes me tick, this is why I write this blog.

Being aware is half the battle and I credit God because he provided me with the awareness that I needed to get this far and he wants me happy, healthy and well.

Thanks for stopping by, may you have a healthy, happy, joyful and free June!

Friday, May 29, 2009

I can see the change

Yesterday, when I was posting my "after" pics I was looking for my pics taken on the 1st of April and through that I found some pics of me at my biggest weight. Seeing myself at that weight blew my mind because I have changed, I can see it. I can see the small changes here and there but seeing that photo of me on Halloween 2008 took my breath away. Yes, Sassle was a big girl, she has a husband, she is loved and loves back but there was no way she was happy, not really happy. This is not to say weight should change the way I feel about myself but personally it did for me. I hated who I was, I hated the way I looked, I hated the way I felt. That's too much hate.

I remember when I first joined AA and read The Promises I wondered if I could use AA as a way to lose weight. The rest as they say is history, I've grown in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I've grown as a woman emotionally and spiritually. I feel better about myself, more confident, sexier and I like myself. I'm not totally in love with myself just yet, God and I are working on that and as I continue to grow spiritually the rest will come in God's time not mine. I must remember God does not make junk, therefore I am not junk, I am a beautiful sassy woman (just ask my husband).

When I first saw this pic I wanted to cry, I actually did cry. I couldn't for the life of me believe that my husband ever loved me. I hated that girl in the picture even though she seems happy enough, she's smiling on the outside was she crying on the inside. I couldn't even climb down the stairs then much less up them. My granddaughter had to hold my hand that night. Now of course it doesn't help that I didn't fix my hair, nor did I put on any makeup so it's not a fair assessment of what I looked like on a good day, but that day I looked terrible.


When hubby and I got home last night after our meeting, I showed him these pictures, he said "yeah baby you were big" I asked him how could he love me like that and I proceeded to call myself all sorts of names, his reply "don't talk about my wife that way, I love you the way you are on the inside, you're a good passionate woman, I love you for you". I was stunned, I still am.

I am now treating this photo as a NSV because I can officially say that I am not this woman today. I also think that in spite of my morbid obesity I was smiling in the pic so I must have been happy that day. I do recall that day was the first time in my life (and my granddaughter's life) that we both saw a shooting star (I used to think they were myths) so that day is special because I shared something with her.

I have a whole bunch of photos at my biggest weight, they seem to fascinate me in some morbid way, perhaps because I've started on the path of losing weight and now I can reflect on who I was and who I am. I've changed in so many ways and who do I credit nobody else but God.

The pants I wore in that picture are now out of my closet with about 25 other pair of pants that I'm donating to charity. I don't want my big clothes here anymore because I don't want to use them as a crutch, it's time to say goodbye.

Thanks for stopping by!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

I'm the Sizzling Hot for Summer Challenge Winner!

Woohoo! I won the Sizzling Hot Summer Challenge with the highest percentage of weight loss. I'm proud as can be and very pleased with myself. I want to thank each and everyone of you who have come here and encouraged my weight loss journey. To my fellow SHSC Challengers; Martha, Annalisa, Christine, Melisa, Sheila, Mama Bear June, Lisa and Heather, I would like to thank you all for your support and encouragement during these weeks. It means the world to me.

I would love to thank Mrs. Sheila for hosting the challenge and all the work she's done for us, she totally Rocks! All you ladies rock and we did great! If you want more information on how well the group of us did along with our stats check out Mrs. Sheila's blog.

I went to my neighbors and asked him to take my pics, I was a little shy but he made me comfortable so here are my before and after pics...

My conclusions...
I need a better bra!! my tata's are way too low...
I need to work on firming my gutt, arms and legs (butt too)
I need to exercise much more.

I was sick last week and then had company for a few days so again I didn't work out, it's time to change my game and get more involved in my health by exercising.

Do you see a difference?




Thanks for stopping by!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Before and After Pic Delay

I will post my before and after pics by the weekend if not sooner. I didn't doll myself up today at all, suffering from a headache so they will have to wait a bit. I should be prettying myself up for my AA meeting tomorrow so I should have something if I can get someone to take the pic.

Thanks for stopping by!

SHSC Challenge FINAL Weigh in!!

My original Starting Weight: 299

SHSC Starting weight: 268
Last week: 249
Current: 245
Loss this week: 4 lb
total loss: 23 lb

It's the end of the Sizzling Hot Summer Challenge. The last weigh in. We won't know the winner before tomorrow at the earliest. I've had lots of fun with my fellow challengers, I got to know them on a whole different level and I am truly grateful for this experience.

Oh how time flies... I remember the day I started the challenge, I was nervous, not about doing the challenge but I feared I wouldn't remember to weigh in every Wednesday. What has this challenge taught me about myself? It taught me that I love a good competition LOL, I have enjoyed the accountability, I've loved the camaraderie amongst me and my fellow bloggers. All in all this has been a great and fun ride.

I will be posting my Before/After pictures sometime today (I gotta pretty myself up first). Is there a difference? I sure hope so, though I am still plagued with this belly but I will not knock myself down because after all I've lost 23 pounds since April 1st, that's to be applauded.

I'm looking for another challenge and I already have found 2, one at Heather's blog (details coming soon) and the other one at Chubby Chicks 4th of July Challenge.

Thanks for stopping by!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

HYC Check In

I'm down 4 pounds. I'm not too surprised since I had the tummy flu over the weekend and didn't feel well. I'm back to eating normal and have not gained a pound plus I got my period so I am taking this 4 pound loss and enjoying it.

I'm just starting to feel a little more energetic which has been hard on me since the bug has left me sooo tired I can barely stand it.

Ack, I'm in a crappy mood so I'll stop blogging. Too much going on around here and I'm impatient because of it, stepdaughter is in the hospital, my house looks like a tornado hit it and its grey outside and I'm feeling emotional about everything. So I'll stop now while I'm ahead.

Thanks for stopping by!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

HYC Check In and a Milestone!

Woohoo as of this morning I have lost 50 pounds. That my dears is a milestone!! 50 pounds, I am so proud of myself! *doing happy dance*

As a special gift to myself, I have decided I am hiring someone to design my blog, I visited LadyJava Creations site and wow I love her work so on payday I will be hiring the lovely Lady Java to design my blog for me.

Blog Makeover by LadyJava Creations

She is not expensive and I appreciate the quality of her work. I already have an idea of what I'm looking for but I still have some details to figure out but I'm way excited. Another gift I want to give myself is getting my nose pierced, I think it would look cute on me since I have a tiny little nose (it's my best feature ha ha) and have wanted to do this as well for a very long time. I originally planed on getting it done by this weekend but I've changed my mind due to my budget and time constraints. Once I get it done I'll be posting a few pic of my face with stud in place (hey that rhymes).

The next set of gifts I'd like to purchase for myself are bras, panties, mani/pedi and a few new clothes, however I don't want to invest too much into clothing since I plan on shrinking some more.

I just wanted to share my good news with you all...

Thanks for stopping by!

Monday, May 18, 2009

WATP for abs One Mile - Mission accomplished

Yes I finally worked out today other then the glider or playing with the dog or going up and down my stairs. I did my favorite Leslie Sansone DVD Series the WATP for abs. It was the 3 Mile DVD that I used to do daily, obsessively, so obsessive that if I didn't want to work out I would any way at even 8:30pm as long as I did it. I can't wait to be obsessive about it again. Today I did the One Mile and I found it went quickly i.e. when we hit the half mile mark I was sure we hadn't even done 1/4 mile yet. I'm happy, I love this workout, it was my fave for years so why change it. Who knows maybe I'll get into those size 3 once again :).

Thanks for stopping by, now it's time to bring the puppy girl in.


Monday weigh-in (unofficial)

I weighed myself this morning, I am pleased, I'm 250 lbs. I am finally the weight I claimed to be for the last 3 years (that's funny). So that's a 49 pound loss since February 17 so in 3 months I've lost 49 pounds. Yay me!

The weird part is that I know I could do better, I'm not knocking myself, I just know I have more potential then a 49 pound loss but alas I am where I'm supposed to be and it's not a bad place to be.

Last week sometime around Wednesday or Thursday I ran out of whole wheat bread, that might have something to do with the fact that I ate way too much w/w bread with my meals, so all I had was white bread and I couldn't go shopping because hubby had the car to go to work and I live in the country so the closest store is quite a few miles away. I felt that I was overeating all last week but I wasn't. What I was doing was eating stuff that I don't normally, i.e. white bread and 3 times last week I ate 2 cheeseburgers (homemade) on white buns, however I didn't go nuts, I ate the burgers and walked away. I'm proud of myself because a few times the "Binge Monster" wanted to rear it's ugly head and have me eat everything non-stop, but I said no, I haven't come this far to go nuts.

I'll be honest, I'm afraid to binge, just as I'm afraid to drink alcohol again, just as I'm afraid to eat sugar again. I went to a Zag Bag Show on Saturday, I was starving and figured I'd be able to nibble on a snack or two once I got there. The hostess has lost quite a bit of weight following Weight Watchers so I figured there was going to be some point friendly snacks. I was wrong, she had my sugar drug; Macadamia nut cookies, size=giant in a row of 8, plus other giant sized cookies. I panicked you see I know I can't have cookies, I will eat every one of them if I taste one and then she had some scoops with a homemade bean dip. I thought mmm scoops & bean dip, but reasoning prevailed and I took a small bowl and put a small portion of bean dip in it and proceeded to eat it. I wanted the cookies but I don't dare. My mouth is watering at the thought of it.

I bought some turkey sausage and had two with one slice of whole wheat bread, not too bad it totals 420 calories 21.5 gr of fat and 4 gr of fiber for dinner, I tried to just have one but sausage is another weakness (I have so many) and one just didn't cut it, I would still be hungry so I ate two. I'm not fond of the fat content but it could have been worse, it was 10grams each (that's less then those burgers I had repeatedly last week) but hey I've done worse plus I got to eat something I really enjoy. I only made three; 2 for me and one for hubby when he comes home from work, if he eats it that is, I sort of "over cooked" them LOL.

I'm feeling good today and will finish with that. Now I'm off to play with the dog.

Thanks for stopping by!


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I need a change

Which is why my blog looks like this and will continue to change until I find the "one" template that I feel represents what I'm feeling and looking for. Please bear with me!


SHSC Week 6

I lost 0.5 pounds this week. Not too bad, better then a gain, though when I first got on the scale it read 251 pounds I thought wow this can't be true, so I stepped on it again and it came to its senses and went to 254 LOL.

Hubby & I are both sick with the flu so its not exactly a healthy happy household, which sucks because I bought 2 Leslie Sansone DVD sets; the first one I got from Target it's the Walk Away the Pounds Weight Loss Series and it has Walk Strong, Muscle Mile One and the 30 Minute Walk. The other one I got from Ebay and it's the Walk Away the Pounds for Abs with the belt. Last time I used that DVD I was doing the 3 mile every week day for years and was a size 3 (a baggy size 3 at that) eh not 3X small size 3, tiny people size 3 *sigh* the good old days, though I didn't look too pretty, I found myself looking to drawn, too tired, too thin in the face but I looked sexy in jeans LOL.

That's it for now, I'm tired, sick and restless so I will stop for now.

Thanks for visiting!


Super Blogger Award

I would have posted this two days ago when I won this award but I've been sick since Monday and not feeling well at all. It's taken everything out of me to just walk from one room to the other but alas I feel better and would like to thank My 3 Month Challenge for giving me this Super Blogger Award.

I am definitely honored to win this award and the fact that someone thinks I'm deserving of it blows me away. I've still got lots to learn but that's OK I don't mind. I appreciate all the readers who come by and visit my blog with encouraging words. I'm blessed to have you all in my life.

I am to pass on the Super Blogger Award, so here's what I'm supposed to do:
  • Tape it up on your blog somewhere.
  • Pass it along to 5 fellow super bloggers, and comment on their blog to let them know how lucky they are today!
  • When you present your Super Blogger awards, link back to the super blogger who gave it to you.
My choice of Super Bloggers are (not in any particular order):

Please take the time to read their blogs if you haven't already, they are really inspiring!

Thanks again!


Thursday, May 7, 2009

It's a Bread Day!

I'm eating a lot of bread today, 2 slices with breaky, 2 slices with lunch, I'm guessing I should find an alternative for dinner but I'm craving a tomato sandwich. I can make the tomato sandwich South Beach friendly but before I do that let me count how many calories I've had so far today.

2 toast (200 calories, 3 gr fat, 6 gr fiber)
1 apple sauce (50 calories, 0 gr fat, 2 gr fiber)
1.5 tbsp of Fleischmann's Margarine (made With Olive Oil)(90 calories, 10.5 gr fat, 0 gr fiber )

Total breakfast
340 calories
13.5 gr fat
8 gr fiber

2 toast (200 calories, 3 gr fat, 6 gr fiber)
3 eggs (240 calories, 15 gr fat, 0 gr fiber)
1 sl cheese (60 calories, 4.5 gr fat, 0 gr fiber)

Total Lunch
500 calories
23.5 gr fat
6 gr fiber

So far the total for today is:
calories are: 840 calories
fat: 37 grams
fiber: 14 grams

Good God those numbers are horrible, not in the calorie sense but in the fat grams sense. Why am I eating this way today, because I have no veggies, no groceries and no car to get them, I"ll be shopping tomorrow night for food so I'm ad libbing so to speak. That's too much bread for the South Beach Diet, way too much so I'll look for an alternative for dinner tonight. I might make myself a turkey burger without the bread and perhaps eat a tomato salad without the lettuce, I must check to see if I have any frozen veggies left.

I find writing things down like this gives me a better understanding of what it is that I'm eating, on the SBD I don't really have to count calories but let's face it when you eat 4 slices of bread in one day you're not really following the plan to a tee so I should be aware of what it is that I'm putting in my mouth.

I'm going to go online and see what menu I can prepare for myself for the next week so that I can follow the plan the way its designed and I betcha I lose more weight, not that I'm complaining a 3.5 pound loss is a good loss.

Oh, I just got back from walking the dog, we actually went for a 20 minute walk, I think she's tired, I'm so so, the problem with her is that she's a wild little puppy of 52 pounds who has never been leash walked, we live on a farm so she gets to roam around (under supervision of course) so I'm trying to teach her to walk and it's not obvious but hey we'll get there I'm sure.

That's it for today, I've got stuff to do like work, clean up a bit, since I finally managed to clean my home completely now all I'm doing is maintaining things which is nice.

Thanks for stopping by!


Looking Ahead

I borrowed this from Mama Bear June who borrowed it from Ms. Sheila

May 2009

What are your goals for the month of May?
I definitely want to lose at least 10 more pounds. If I can lose more which I'm sure I could if I would just incorporate exercise in my life, I would finally reach the goal of 230 something.

How do you plan to accomplish these goals?

Planning my meals ahead of time, journal what I'm eating, being more active, taking my puppy for walks other then around the house.

If you had problems in April, what will you do differently this month to ensure that nothing gets in your way and that your goals are met?
The only problem that comes to mind at this point is my lack of motivation to exercise. All I can do is start moving and actually exercise. Get it done early in the day, I have the equipment, I have the DVD's, I live on a farm so I can walk for 30 minutes every day with my puppy, I have no excuses so its time to stop inventing them.

What did you learn about yourself in April that will help you reach your goals this month?
I learned that I can go to events and still stick to plan, I learned a lot about my emotional well being towards my eating habits so I feel as though I have better control over cravings. I learned that I can be my worse enemy if I let my thinking get the better of me, I learned to be kind to myself. I'm trying to learn to only weigh myself once a week for my emotional well being because the scale still plays head games with me.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

SHSC Week 5 Update!

My original Starting Weight: 299

SHSC Starting weight: 268
Last week: 258
Current: 254.5
Loss this week: 3.5 lb
total loss: 13.5 lb

It's been a great week, a loss of 3.5 is very good but since I weigh myself almost daily it takes out the fun so to speak because I weighed 256 last week then by the weigh in I was 258 so to be at 254.5 is still a loss but I don't know it just seems to be blah. That's ungratefulness at it's finest isn't it? Now had I gained then it would have been a major big deal, I'd feel all sorts of negative emotions towards myself and I'd start to feel guilty etc., therefore I will choose to be grateful for the loss of 3.5 pounds and perhaps I will try to control my daily weigh ins.

I went shopping with hubby last week and bought a size 18 goal pants, a beautiful pair of jeans that promise to slim my tummy while wearing them. I also bought a size 20 and they fit but tightly (I'll try them on again today). I tried on the size 18 in front of hubby, it wasn't a pretty sight but my point was to show him so that when they do fit (next month) he will see my progress, not that he hasn't but this is a downright obvious shift once it's attained.

Speaking of hubby, he's cheating on the diet a lot though he works physically hard everyday he must walk 3-5 miles a day for his job if not way more. So at night when he comes home (he works 2nd shift) he's hungry. I've started to give him 2 whole wheat toast w/apple sauce. I try to explain to the hungry bear that midnight is not supposed to mean a full meal, a snack is acceptable. It doesn't seem to be slowing down his weight loss (lucky b@stard) but still, he'd lose more and faster if it not for his need for a midnight snack. Any suggestions on how I can keep him satisfied without blowing his "diet".

We had a party on Saturday, a huge BBQ for our friends, I did well, I had a hamburger (white bun) and that was all. Come Sunday we had another BBQ but only for us and on that day I mowed part of the farm with a push mower, did a lot of walking etc and had 2 hamburgers, I was starving but I did not eat anything else after that. That was the first time I ate 2 of anything since being on the plan but I swear to you I was famished.

I want to thank you all for your support and feedback, what a great lot of friends I have, I'm truly blessed. I will be making the rounds today, reading, commenting and saying hello!

Thanks again!


Wednesday, April 29, 2009

SHSC Week 4 Update!

Starting weight: 268
Week 3 weight: 258
Amount lost/gained THIS week: -2

So I lost another pound of that dreadful chili/salt/period weight. If I keep this up I'll have a good loss next week because my period will be over, I've been exercising on the HealthRider and I'm feeling good physically, more active and such. Today I will do a 20 minute walking video and play a bit with my puppy girl in spite of the rain, work, get some chores done and life should be good.

I'm sensitive today, I'm trying to control my feelings a bit, I'm defensive and easily hurt. I'm tired and have tons to do, I need to go back and do the flylady system with my 15 minute timer, I bet I'll get more done.

Have I ever mentioned that my legs/thighs hurt every single day when I wake up. I think my bed is doing this, I think it's too hard but the weird part is I'll sleep on my right side and the left side hurts??? What's that about. The pain goes away as I wake up and walk around for the most part, some days it takes a bit longer but once I'm up and moving I'm usually ok within the hour. The pain is so bad sometimes I could cry. I think its because the bed is on the floor (on a box spring on the floor) I thought for sure once I started losing some poundage that it would hurt less but it doesn't. I'm evening wondering if it isn't my back that hurts and somehow makes it feel like it's my legs.

I just ate whole wheat bread (toasted) with smart balance butter/margarine with some applesauce for breakfast. My grandmother used to eat that and I just introduced it to hubby who loves it too. On SBD I think I'm only allowed applesauce once a week, I'm going to recheck this information.

Thanks for stopping by!


Tuesday, April 28, 2009

HYC Check in

Alright I'm down 2 pounds from yesterday so I'm 259 I'll take anything in the 250's. I'd like to say right up front my goal for the end of May is to be in the 230's anywhere from 230 to 239.9 and I'll be happy. Also in May I will be getting my tiny nosed pierced, that's something I've wanted for a long time and I think it would look good on me, though my mother would surely disagree.

I've come up with some conclusions concerning my gain, I believe it was water retention due to the salt in the cans, because I don't believe I could have possibly eaten 6 pounds worth of chili that would be 21000 calories in one day. Yesterday I peed and peed all day long, plus my fingers felt a bit swollen so I'm guessing that hubby was right and that the chili has too much salt. I may have to resort to doing it fresh but there will be no chili in the house for a month after this batch. I didn't eat chili at all yesterday, I had chicken salad and egg salad yesterday. I was tempted but I thought twice about it and decided not to. Today I started my period so that too explains the giant weight gain. Now I have logically explained to myself why the scale jumped up so I feel better. If I don't do that, I will think all sorts of negative thoughts about myself and I can't have that.

I worked out on the Healthrider and have been looking up information on it and found the booklet so that I can benefit the most from it. I'm really excited about this because it seems so doable. When I got on this morning I had no watch on so I figured I'd count 100 moves before I'd stop, as I progressed I was thinking hmm, this is easy, I don't know if this will work and as I'm thinking that I'm running out of breath and end up doing only 55 reps. I feel a bit silly the machine is out on our front porch and yes I do live in the country but cars drive by anyway and well I do have a neighbor across the road who might be able to see me. But hey who cares, they will see me lose weight is what they'll see. I then took my puppy girl and we walked around the house 2 times. I will take her out again later this afternoon and this evening, each of my puppy walks will proceed with an attempt at 100 plus moves on the Healthrider. Oh I found out mine does have room to add weights on it so that's great but I think for now my weight should do the trick.

I've got a sinus headache to the point that my teeth hurt, ugh but hey things could be worse.

Thanks for stopping by!


Monday, April 27, 2009

Introducing My "New" Healthrider Glider

So that exercise bike thingy I got is called a Healthrider glider and from some of the reviews I've read its perfect for a beginner like myself. It offers a rowing like experience and is a full body workout. I've read both good and bad reviews and I will judge for myself, I can't help but think I can't go wrong with this, especially since I paid $1.00 for it.

It's now sitting on the front porch, I'll be asking my neighbor to bring it up once I clean my office out. I want to bring it in the office so I can watch a video while doing it or something like that. Though I've read I won't be able to do more then a few minutes at first. I have to say, I've tried it and it seems easy enough. Here's a picture of one similar to mine (this is not my Ebay ad).

Here are some of the benefits of owning one that I have found online:
  • Low-impact total body workout system with easy-to-use electronic display
  • Unique fitness action uses your body weight as resistance
  • Patented linkage system generates resistance using your body weight
  • Display tracks your elapsed time, stroke count, reps, and calories burned
  • Wide rotating handlebars and dual pedal positions; lifetime frame warranty
  • Will help lose weight and feel great by exercising 20 minutes a day three times a week
Does mine do all this, I hope so. However the new version comes with a DVD, mine doesn't and I can't add weights (if memory serves me right) but at my weight I can use my body as resistance so that's good. I do have a counter but I don't know if it works, worse comes to worse I'll workout to music. Anyway I should have a personal review of this by next the end of May, let's see what fab results I will have working out on this beauty. I'm excited.

That's it for now!


The Chili Experiment

I went grocery shopping on Saturday and made the mistake of walking down the canned bean aisle. It's quite interesting that when I walked down that aisle the same thing that used to happen to me when I walked down the bakery aisle happened with the beans. Instantly as soon as I saw the can that read "chili beans" I had a craving. My craving was intense, my logic told me I could make a batch of it and eat it every day this week and not have to cook. It seemed like a win-win situation. I hesitated for a second because I had remembered staying at 265 the whole time I had chili not 2 weeks ago. But I reasoned with myself that the time before that I had lost weight therefore chili had no influence on my weight.

Now let's go back a bit, on Saturday morning I weighed in at 256, yes that's right a number I had not seen in 3 years. I was ecstatic so you can imagine my brain thinking but will the chili affect this number. The answer to that is yes. First allow me to admit to the world that my chili portions are off, I reason with myself that I can eat a bit more of chili (2 portions per portion) because it's fibrous and healthy for me (I'm a recovering alcoholic, I'm good at fooling myself). So when I weighed in this morning at the scale read 261 I wanted to cry. That's 6 pounds. Ok it's 3 pounds from the other weigh-in but it's in the plus and I still want to cry. Now I will start my period probably today which probably isn't helping the scale. Side note here hubby ended up making it for me this time because I had to go out and its so weird, the first words that came out of my mouth after I tasted his version was "it's salty" I never tasted salt before and hubby always told me to use fresh as opposed to canned because of the salt but time is of the essence is Sassle land. My feet and fingers feel a bit swollen today (the salt) so another reason that this batch of chili will be the last batch for a month at least.

So I'm going to do an experiment. I will put the remaining chili in the freezer and eat other food on the South Beach Diet plan. I bet that on my Wednesday Sizzling Hot Summer Challenge Weigh-in there will be a loss. I'm hoping to find the 256 or less but I'll take anything under what I am now.

I also found a good reason for weighing everyday, if I didn't weigh myself this morning I wouldn't have known about the gain and I wouldn't have tried a solution like not eating a gallon of chili a day, yes I am exaggerating but not by much (half a gallon?) but had I not weighed myself today I wouldn't have known and not hated myself but I would have continued eating the chili and probably weigh more. Who knows really, I must remember I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. I should just go with the flow, what I'm doing is working for me, I'm aware, I'm making a change, all is good and I love myself. A little positive self talk never hurt anyone.

Today I start to exercise again, yes I said it. I Sassle will exercise and get myself into high gear for the summer so I can feel so much more confident with toner arms, flatter stomach and a nicer bum. I'm committed to this change in my life and exercise is an important ingredient. I bought an exercise machine thingy that's good for the butt at a garage sale on Friday, it cost $1 and I couldn't fit it in the car so I'm hoping they didn't throw it out, I will be pissed since I've asked hubby since Saturday to come with me to pick it up, there have been many reasons and excuses I've had enough already, we must go today to pick it up.

I've got a busy day but it's not too crazy so I won't complain. I plan on taking a picture of my exercise machine thingy once we pick it up and show you guys.

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Photo Courtesy of iluvendo
"This blog is so much more then writing about my weight loss journey it has become an extension in helping me know who I am and who I can be."