I can see the change

Yesterday, when I was posting my "after" pics I was looking for my pics taken on the 1st of April and through that I found some pics of me at my biggest weight. Seeing myself at that weight blew my mind because I have changed, I can see it. I can see the small changes here and there but seeing that photo of me on Halloween 2008 took my breath away. Yes, Sassle was a big girl, she has a husband, she is loved and loves back but there was no way she was happy, not really happy. This is not to say weight should change the way I feel about myself but personally it did for me. I hated who I was, I hated the way I looked, I hated the way I felt. That's too much hate.

I remember when I first joined AA and read The Promises I wondered if I could use AA as a way to lose weight. The rest as they say is history, I've grown in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I've grown as a woman emotionally and spiritually. I feel better about myself, more confident, sexier and I like myself. I'm not totally in love with myself just yet, God and I are working on that and as I continue to grow spiritually the rest will come in God's time not mine. I must remember God does not make junk, therefore I am not junk, I am a beautiful sassy woman (just ask my husband).

When I first saw this pic I wanted to cry, I actually did cry. I couldn't for the life of me believe that my husband ever loved me. I hated that girl in the picture even though she seems happy enough, she's smiling on the outside was she crying on the inside. I couldn't even climb down the stairs then much less up them. My granddaughter had to hold my hand that night. Now of course it doesn't help that I didn't fix my hair, nor did I put on any makeup so it's not a fair assessment of what I looked like on a good day, but that day I looked terrible.




When hubby and I got home last night after our meeting, I showed him these pictures, he said "yeah baby you were big" I asked him how could he love me like that and I proceeded to call myself all sorts of names, his reply "don't talk about my wife that way, I love you the way you are on the inside, you're a good passionate woman, I love you for you". I was stunned, I still am.

I am now treating this photo as a NSV because I can officially say that I am not this woman today. I also think that in spite of my morbid obesity I was smiling in the pic so I must have been happy that day. I do recall that day was the first time in my life (and my granddaughter's life) that we both saw a shooting star (I used to think they were myths) so that day is special because I shared something with her.

I have a whole bunch of photos at my biggest weight, they seem to fascinate me in some morbid way, perhaps because I've started on the path of losing weight and now I can reflect on who I was and who I am. I've changed in so many ways and who do I credit nobody else but God.

The pants I wore in that picture are now out of my closet with about 25 other pair of pants that I'm donating to charity. I don't want my big clothes here anymore because I don't want to use them as a crutch, it's time to say goodbye.

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I'm the Sizzling Hot for Summer Challenge Winner!

Woohoo! I won the Sizzling Hot Summer Challenge with the highest percentage of weight loss. I'm proud as can be and very pleased with myself. I want to thank each and everyone of you who have come here and encouraged my weight loss journey. To my fellow SHSC Challengers; Martha, Annalisa, Christine, Melisa, Sheila, Mama Bear June, Lisa and Heather, I would like to thank you all for your support and encouragement during these weeks. It means the world to me.

I would love to thank Mrs. Sheila for hosting the challenge and all the work she's done for us, she totally Rocks! All you ladies rock and we did great! If you want more information on how well the group of us did along with our stats check out Mrs. Sheila's blog.

I went to my neighbors and asked him to take my pics, I was a little shy but he made me comfortable so here are my before and after pics...

My conclusions...
I need a better bra!! my tata's are way too low...
I need to work on firming my gutt, arms and legs (butt too)
I need to exercise much more.

I was sick last week and then had company for a few days so again I didn't work out, it's time to change my game and get more involved in my health by exercising.

Do you see a difference?








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Before and After Pic Delay

I will post my before and after pics by the weekend if not sooner. I didn't doll myself up today at all, suffering from a headache so they will have to wait a bit. I should be prettying myself up for my AA meeting tomorrow so I should have something if I can get someone to take the pic.


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SHSC Challenge FINAL Weigh in!!

My original Starting Weight: 299

SHSC Starting weight: 268
Last week: 249
Current: 245
Loss this week: 4 lb
total loss: 23 lb

It's the end of the Sizzling Hot Summer Challenge. The last weigh in. We won't know the winner before tomorrow at the earliest. I've had lots of fun with my fellow challengers, I got to know them on a whole different level and I am truly grateful for this experience.

Oh how time flies... I remember the day I started the challenge, I was nervous, not about doing the challenge but I feared I wouldn't remember to weigh in every Wednesday. What has this challenge taught me about myself? It taught me that I love a good competition LOL, I have enjoyed the accountability, I've loved the camaraderie amongst me and my fellow bloggers. All in all this has been a great and fun ride.

I will be posting my Before/After pictures sometime today (I gotta pretty myself up first). Is there a difference? I sure hope so, though I am still plagued with this belly but I will not knock myself down because after all I've lost 23 pounds since April 1st, that's to be applauded.

I'm looking for another challenge and I already have found 2, one at Heather's blog (details coming soon) and the other one at Chubby Chicks 4th of July Challenge.

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HYC Check In

I'm down 4 pounds. I'm not too surprised since I had the tummy flu over the weekend and didn't feel well. I'm back to eating normal and have not gained a pound plus I got my period so I am taking this 4 pound loss and enjoying it.

I'm just starting to feel a little more energetic which has been hard on me since the bug has left me sooo tired I can barely stand it.

Ack, I'm in a crappy mood so I'll stop blogging. Too much going on around here and I'm impatient because of it, stepdaughter is in the hospital, my house looks like a tornado hit it and its grey outside and I'm feeling emotional about everything. So I'll stop now while I'm ahead.

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