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Thursday, October 8, 2009

Spiritual Awakening and what am I going to do with it?

Growth, yes I'm growing in all ways; spiritually, weight wise and in family size. NO I'm not pregnant, but we have a new puppy, a beautiful miniature dachshund and his name is Harley.

Yesterday was a turning point for me since I"ve relapsed on my health plan. You see I bought a cake, a Sara Lee Vanilla Bean Cake and I ate the whole thing in 2 sittings. But the thing that shook me up the most was the craving that I had, it reminded me of when I used to drink (going on 10 years sobriety this November) the urge to eat that cake and everything else was unimportant. It was scary, it reminded me of an article I read about Transference of Addictions. Now I can say that's what I did, I think I never wanted to admit it because it sort of represents that I failed. I mean I have close to 10 years sobriety and yet if I"m transferring my addiction I haven't healed at all or I"m not dealing with the real issues at hand. What are they? I don't know. Am I working the 12 steps like I should? I believe I have to speak to my sponsor about this so I can get back on track. Come to think of it I must take away my original comment above about growing spiritually, I can't possibly be growing spiritually if I'm transferring my addiction. Sheesh I'm coming clean with myself aren't I? I think this is what they mean by having a spiritual awakening because something clicked inside of me when I woke up and when I decided to share this with my Sassle world.

The questions are the same though, what will I do with this "knowledge" and why am I still struggling even though I'm "working" a 12 step program. What am I missing? What have I not worked on?

Sorry for the confused writing, I'm all over the place with this as my mind is full of clutter.

Thanks for stopping by!



Annalisa201 said...

:) Go get em girl. Things will be okay. I'm just now listening to Joyce Meyer and she's talking about if you don't like something, change it. That's the easy part - realizing there needs to be a change. How, what, where and when is the complicated part. You'll get it Sassle. You're a beautiful soul and I can't wait for the day when you're happy with you :)

Steve E. said...

I wondered why you decided to "follow" me (as of today) until I read your blog. Now I see lots of reasons, some of which you are not aware.

Three years ago I lost 58 pounds in 47 days--by not eating. (And a product called MEDIFAST). Not recommended unless accompanied by a weekly doctor visit...but it DID work for me, from 260 to 202...and not ONE BITE of solid food.

Enough of that. What I really wish to say is you are doing SO good, keep it up. Please do not, however
make lumps on your head with that "baseball bat of concern" regarding "transference". I'm serious! You are a sober woman. As "a" result of that, you are taking care of your body, your health!

But REALLY--before you pay attention to me, run it by your sponsor who knows you.
I'm blog-rolling you, although that's all I need is another blog to read every day. I'm gonna start paring down, but YOU will MAKE the cut, lady!
Thank you.

PEACE! (Sorry for length of comment!)

Brian, the old man said...

I believe some people like me have an addictive personality. You have overcome one addiction but food is not an addiction it is something we need to live. Therefore it is harder to control because you cannot just stop eating like you can stop drinking. Because we have this addictive personality, it is so easy to overeat. However we can control our choices much like we did as we overcame our other addictions. Learn from what you have already accomplished in overcoming that addiction and apply it to eating healthy. I am sure you CAN and WILL do it!

kberman said...

Sassle, I don't believe you have regressed at all. Nov. 24, 2009 I will be sober for 33 years. Everyone truly in recovery will deal with a progression of addictions. But they each get easier. You quit after one cake and took your inventory. This is a lot of progression from your drinking days. Your cake experience made you stronger. I use sugarfree popsicles and fudge bars.
Visit me sometime-kathyberman.com.

Steve E. said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Stephanie said...

Hey Sassle!
Have you been doing any work around how to support the sobriety from a nutritional standpoint? I am a sugar addict in recovery myself and for me, knowing what to eat to stop the cravings (and what substitutions were effective) was KEY in getting off the evil sugar...
BODA weight loss

"This blog is so much more then writing about my weight loss journey it has become an extension in helping me know who I am and who I can be."