My Aha Moment

So today I weighed myself, now you must understand I've been on the canned chili diet since Tuesday (or was it Monday must check my online food diary) and each time I eat chili I am full with a capital F. When I'm full I feel bad, I feel like a bad girl, surely I must have done something wrong because my tummy feels full and that's not a regular state to be in when you are losing weight right? Wrong I think.

This is where I'm going with this, a few weeks ago I was at 249 and thrilled to pieces over it because I was in the 240's which hasn't happened since I gained weight 3+ years ago. Suddenly I got a stomach flu and didn't eat for one day, the next day I had dropped 4 pounds, wow that's cool but I was sick and figured that the moment I ate an apple the 4 pounds would come back. The next day I had an event and I still wasn't feeling well but I had a headache so I ate some food at this convention, none of the food was healthy but I ate in moderation. The Sunday I weighed myself fully expecting a gain and nope still 245 lbs I thought ok it's just a matter of time before my body goes back up.

The weight gain didn't go back up (not for a few weeks) my body had felt comfortable at 245 and even went down to 244, then I had the cheese and cracker attack and I went up to 248, so (stay with me here) today after my chili binge of the last few days I was expecting a gain, but no, I went down to 244 from 245 so I'm back to where I was Saturday morning before the cheese/cracker binge.

So I'm thinking WTF? how can I eat portions of chili and still lose weight? I'll now tell you what I think : ) I think when I hit 244 I was eating under 1000 calories a day trying to jar a bigger weight loss and I was working out too, but my body thought WTF is she doing? Is she starving us? So it held onto everything and the scale wouldn't budge. So when I had my cheese/cracker binge I remember thinking well this will shock my body and maybe it'll release some of those pounds eh wrong buffalo breath I gained weight, however, this week I've been eating between 1200 to 1500 calories and I lost everything I gained.

So what's the moral of the story? I'm not sure, I find being accountable for my food on my online diary has helped me immensely. I'm learning not to be so hard on myself but I confess I must constantly remind myself to be gentle and that being full is not a sin and being full does not equal weight gain but by writing down every morsel that goes into my body I can logically see how many calories I have eaten so therefore I won't gain 5 pounds overnight because I only had 1300 calories the day before. If I didn't write things down I'd cause myself stress, guilt and worry so this way works for me for now.

I apologize for being all over the place with this post, it seemed clear in my head, I had an AHA moment and it's too hard to really put into words.

I love the way I feel lately where my diet/eating plan/way of life is concerned because I feel like I'm growing up and I have a better chance at keeping the weight off this time because I'm learning who I am and what my triggers are. Continued emotional growth will take me far.

Thanks for coming by my friends!

Sassle