She had never forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked `poison,' it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.Sometimes she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into her eyes.
~ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND by Lewis Carroll Chapter I
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I'm back, I've been away sort of but not necessarily with my head hung low. You see I had a relapse, not an alcohol one but a food one. I did not eat sugar unless you count the day I had sugar free chocolate pudding (4 portions). I've been eating off program for a week now and I've put on 4 pounds as a result of it. It's not good but believe me when I binge I can put on 20 pounds in a weekend so I will take the 4lbs and smile.
I'm back to the plan as of today. What have I been binging on? peanut butter sandwiches, it's so weird how they would literally call me to eat them. Oh and chili. I think because I ate the peanut butter on healthy whole wheat high fiber bread I didn't do too much damage since it filled me up. Though eating 4 to 6 slices of bread is definitely considered a binge, for me it's still progress. The fact that I would not under any circumstances eat anything sweet is a miracle in itself. I would eat to be full and never enjoyed the feeling. I was missing something orally, I don't smoke and nothing seemed to satisfy me so I had an oral fixation and food seemed the answer. You know what's weird, it never seemed to satisfy me so I know its an emotional thing. Anything bothering me lately? Nothing important other then hubby and I want to move, our rent on the farm just went up $200/month and he's working longer hours and I feel a bit overwhelmed but nothing more then that. It's true, I don't think I'm too worried or more worried about stuff then before. Who knows, what's important is that I deal with it and get back on plan now, not tomorrow, not Monday but now.
While all this was going on I had so much to write to you, I wish I had because a lot of it escapes me right now. I wish I would write when the feeling hits me but its usually at a time when I'm not at my desk or when I'm working.
That is it for now, I will be back, I just wanted to let you know where I've been and what I've been doing.
Sassle
5 comments:
I'm sorry to hear you're having some troubles, but it's good to see you're back on track with your eating plan!
We all get derailed at one point or another - but you're back on the tracks and ready to move ahead.
The peanut butter looks yummy. I have read your post through my fingers hehehe.
I think you will/are getting back on plan!! Everything will be fine as long as you look into the now and future :>
Hey, welcome back. So with the photo you want to tempt everyone ELSE to binge on peanut butter???? ;-)
Speaking of Alice in Wonderland, my daughter told me today that Tim Burton is making the movie and there are a bunch of big stars in it! Johnny Depp is going to be the Mad Hatter (of course!) :-) Can't wait!
Path to Health
I'm glad you're back! As you say, 4 pounds is not terrible damage... You can do this!
Peanut butter is a problem for me. So far I have been able to keep it in check either with a teaspoonful every so often or with PB2.
Put this behind you and move onward and downward. I know exactly what you mean about gaining overnight or over a weekend. It comes on much easier than it goes off but we are all here for you.
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